Counselling

relationship trust

Relationship communication can be tricky.

Relationships involve people, people are tricky!

We are all unique human beings.

Every one of us has been brought up in a unique environment known as a family that is composed of other unique individuals.

When we arrive in this world, we find ourselves in the care of human beings who will be guiding us towards becoming adults. We do not know what beliefs they have and if those beliefs, will be effective in guiding us navigate our way in the world out there.

What is it that brings us together with another person in a relationship?

The leading cause of conflict in relationship is communication ; leading to lack of trust and feeling safe.

Good communication comes from investing time right at the get go of the relationship by defining what it is you require from the relationship; how you can get  your emotional needs met, and how you in turn can be of service to the relationship and ensure the one with whom you are in relationship gets their needs met.

You entered into a relationship with some common goals and some common benefits you were seeking.     Pause and consider them for a moment.  Notice the emphasis on some

When we enter into a relationship with someone, we probably did so because the other person had some congruent values we resonated with. We both decide on an unconscious level initially that what was important to the other person was also important to us.

We share beliefs about what is right and good.

Values are the clearing in the middle of forest where we come together and share common values are that are in place in the relationship. Values are the safe space where we feel secure about being ourselves.

Discovering the shared values we have with another human being is one of the surest way to build trust, rapport and understanding.   We feel ‘safe’ to be who we are, when the person with whom we are in relationship with has similar values to us.

Without an understanding of who we are, and what we bring to a relationship and what we require from it, such as trust, rapport and kindness, truth, honesty we will not experience equilibrium in the relationship.

To improve your relationship communication, simply ask the question.

“What is most important to you?”

When you discover your potential relationship partner has similar ‘value’s to you, about what is important to them, or similar .. the relationship gains momentum.

Relationship communication is about creating cooperation. Cooperation can only come from understanding and understanding comes from finding out, asking the question..

“What is most important to you?

“What else is important to you in a relationship?

“And, what else?”

See the previous post “How is Your Relationship?” and also the Values Exercise.  Finding out more about the person with whom we want to share our precious time with is a worthwhile investment, for our long term future… Take the time out, a congruent, solid, safe relationship is gold!